PRESS RELEASE: Exciting News From The Trump Organization!

Folks, sometimes satire gets really dark.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
February 9, 2025

Trump Organization Building the Best Resort in Human History

NEW YORK, New York — There’s never been a more exciting to be a part of the world of Trump!

President Donald J. Trump has done more in two weeks than any president in history. Especially Sleepy Joe Biden and the black one. From pardoning the J6 hostages to stopping the woke/gay army that was coming to turn your children — he’s already the best president in American history, and likely the best leader in the history of the world!

And while he would never brag about it, just last week at Mar-a-Largo, in between saving the world from his golf cart, President Trump jumped out long enough to shoot three holes in one in a row!

Is there nothing this man can’t do?

And in one of the biggest deals ever — probably bigger than the Louisiana Purchase — President Trump solved the Gaza problem that they said could never be solved. That’s where the Trump Organization comes in. To do our part supporting President Trump not only Make America Great Again, but to make the World Great Again!

The Trump Organization is PROUD to announce the TRUMP GAZA CASINO RESORT & MARINA.

Now that President Trump and Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu have announced their brilliant Gaza plan we can let it be known that the Trump Organization — led by Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump with Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner — have been furiously working for months to make this world-class destination for the global elite a reality!

TRUMP GAZA CASINO RESORT & MARINA will be a destination like no other.

With a high-roller casino better than anything in Monte Carlo, the best marina, golf courses, and beaches in the Mediterranean AND the Trump attention to quality and luxury you’ve come to expect, Gaza will rise from the rubble to become the most fantastic resort in the world!

But that’s only the beginning.

The Trump Organization is proud to announce they have hired Thomas Jennings, former lead Disney Imagineer to put a unique spin on Trump Gaza for elites of every age. A genius mind, many know that Jennings was cancelled at his former woke company following a series of politically-motivated and fake sexual harassment accusations. With that liberal madness behind him Tommy is already neck-deep in work on Trump Gaza.

“I have never been so excited for anything in my storied career as I am working for President Donald Trump and the brilliant people at the Trump Organization,” Jennings said. “I may be famous for being a Disney Imagineer, but to tell you the truth, most of these ideas came straight from the genius mind of President Trump when I had the opportunity to briefly talk to him between campaign stops in what ended up being the biggest electoral win in American history. It’s a true blessing to be in his presence.”

The most visually striking aspect of Trump Gaza will be a 300-foot statue of President Trump astride the entrance of the marina that can accommodate the largest of mega-yachts. The 24-karat-gold-platted statue is based on the Colossus of Rhodes, one of the famous ancient Wonders of the World.

“The statue was my idea, and President Trump originally didn’t want to do it,” Jennings said. “But I thought it was important not only for the resort, but as a symbol of how President Trump has made Middle East Peace a reality. At some point I had literal tears in my eyes and said sir, you’ve got to do this for humanity.”

Begrudgingly convinced, the statue will dwarf (indeed double) the original, welcoming only the best boats.

“Trump Gaza will be under the authority of our organization,” said Trump Org. President Donald Trump Jr. “No country will have legal jurisdiction over the resort, as it should be. That means we want to welcome all the Russia, Russia, Russia yachts we can. There will be no global witch hunt or potential boat seizures at Trump Gaza.”

Based on President Trump’s initial thoughts, Thomas Jennings has been working overtime coming up with original concepts that bring in the history of the area, much like his work at EPCOT.

“At Disney we make everything up,” Jennings said. “But, President Trump, from our first meeting, said we needed to incorporate present-day Gaza into the theme park aspects of the resort. I’ll never forget when he said Rubble Coaster to me.”

The Rubble Coaster promises to be the biggest thrill attraction at Trump Gaza. Not only the longest, fastest, highest roller coaster in the world, but the most unique. The Rubble Coaster will weave its way around, through, and even under some of the current bombed-out buildings respectfully beyond view of the resort.

Escorted by IDF Special Forces with military operations still ongoing, Jennings visited Gaza last summer to draw inspiration. He said that he’s looking to recreate a coaster and a real-world, never-before-seen in thrill park rides. Part of that real world for Jennings was the smell.

“There’s nothing quite like the mixed smell of rotting bodies, spent ammunition and gunpowder, fuel, smoke, and just that general smell of fresh rubble,” he said. “I’m committed to leave everything as is. But, the problem is that over time, these smells fade.”

Jennings partnered with a cutting-edge company that is the best in the smell business.

“It’s going to smell as real as possible,” Jennings said. “We can amp up the smell of rotting corpses from one to eleven. And all the other fun factors of the ride. And of course, with this new olfactory technology there’s no toxicity involved.”

Jennings also mentioned real Palestinian actors being part of the ride at key moments.

“We go through a section where these real, young Arab kids seriously look like they’re going to hit you with a Molotov cocktail just before the coaster dives below into a Hamas tunnel,” Jennings said.

There was initial talk of having injured refugees sprinkled throughout the attraction, but Jennings said, while authentic, President Trump didn’t think it worked. “He wanted to up the fear factor with the crisis actors, and said the maimed and injured would only bring people down. As usual, he was right.”

The finale of the Rubble Coaster approximates a full-on Israeli air strike on a terrorist compound.

“It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen,” he said. “The explosions and fire, the wailing victims. It’s like your part of the righteous invasion.”

Eric Trump said the use of real Palestinians throughout Trump Gaza is a testament to his father’s values for Gaza and the Arab world. Because President Trump cares so much about the people, an elite few will be taken out of the deportation process to shine in a whole new Gaza.

“We have been dealing with people like those in Gaza for decades, Eric said. “Mostly Mexicans and Puerto Ricans, but, pretty much same thing. We know how to determine the ones who want to both shine and also know their place.”

Lucky Palestinians chosen to work at Trump Gaza will be given non-tent, three-wall minimal housing that is likely better than many have ever experienced. They will also be paid more than twice the average refugee camp wages.

“We want to thank and celebrate these amazing people,” Eric said. “Especially the ones that look the part.”

While the Rubble Coaster is geared for brave teens and adults, there’s plenty of attractions to keep the kids occupied. Camel Rides, the Hamas Tunnel Maze, and plenty of games of chance where lucky kids can test their skills and win Trump Meme Coins and DOGE crypto.

For the full family there’s even an Oasis Water Slide and the Old-Time Arab Market where everyone can actually haggle on the price of any number of Arab trinkets and Trump-branded items. There are also a number of authentic market restaurants, all of which allow diners to watch real Palestinian children assemble MAGA merch behind the safety of thick, soundproof glass.

While Thomas Jennings may put the family in Trump Gaza, DTJ understands that the resort must be much, much more to attract the true elite.

“I’ve heard what stays in Vegas all my damn life,” Don Jr said. “That’s fine and good. But give me a completely sovereign territory, above and beyond any legal interference and I’ll show you the best time ever. And you can shoot all the video you want. What happens at Trump Gaza doesn’t have to stay in Trump Gaza.”

The Gaza After Hours fun begins with a partnership with the folks that brought you the wildly-popular The Empire Strips Back burlesque show. Don Jr. immediately saw the inherent sexiness of translating that to a Trump Gaza show.

“It’s even hotter, isn’t it,” he asked. “Put those women in their jihad on top and naked on the bottom. It’s like a brother-sister forbidden fruit thing.”

Given the near total immunity of Trump Gaza, Don Jr. hints at exclusive VIP experiences reserved for the very few.

“We’re going to have a Sultan for a Night tent experience that you can only imagine,” Don said. “There are off-book operations that can give you an experience with a numbers of ladies. But, they can’t give you totally-authenticated, NDA-bound virgins like we will. As dad would say, that I can tell you.”

While Trump Meme Coins and crypto are not accepted as payment at Trump Gaza, Eric Trump assured future clients that the casino is flush and all money operations are legitimate as Allen Weisselberg will be heading financial operations.

“Why wouldn’t we want to put our best money Jew in charge in the land of the Jews,” he asked. “That’s a no-brainer. Plus, he probably should leave the United States. At least New York.”

Allen has already moved to Israel to manage operations on the ground. Beyond his role as CFO he will also spearhead a programs for high-rollers in Israel and beyond branded the “VI-Jew” that includes a non-permanent tattoo that gives all VIJs access to all areas of the resort. If a planned West Bank expansion happens that’s “from the river to the sea” access for the elite Chosen Ones.

Does it all sound to good to be true?

Sadly, without you it might be.

Beyond funds from the Trump Sovereign Wealth Fund we need YOUR help to make Trump Gaza a reality! Don’t let the UN and global Deep State stop OUR resort.

Are you willing to help President Trump and his amazing family?

Donate and become a VIP with exclusive gifts:

• DONATE $100 — Put yourself in drawing to get one of the first MAGA hats made in Gaza!

• DONATE $250 — Get your chance to win a GAZA-MAGA hat signed by President Trump.

• DONATE $500 — Get all of the above AND a personalized voice mail message from Eric Trump himself!

• DONATE $1000 — Get all of the above AND exclusive Trump Gaza renderings signed by former Imagineer Tom Jennings.

• DONATE $500,000 — Our special Gaza Sheik program gets you all of the above, plus very specific discounts and bonus tent experiences called Your Intifada that will simply blow your mind!

ACT NOW before all the VIP and VIJ slots at TRUMP GAZA CASINO RESORT & MARINA are taken!