BREAKING: Want To Be A Billionaire?

Here's your 100% guaranteed path to make all your dreams come true!

It's pretty clear by these amazing Substack numbers that I will soon be a media mogul on par with Oprah, Bezos, Zuckerberg, and Musk.

And while I'm going to have to start training for my inevitable UFC cage fight with Elon — which I am branding "The Fat & White Fight On Saturday Night" — I'd also like to offer investors a very special ground-floor, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

For a very limited time you can invest in my crypto venture — name TBD by Saudi investors — which offers a GUARANTEED Return on Investment!

That's ROI to those not versed in the complicated world of finance...

Let's make this simple!

If your $1 (or $1 million dollar) investment falls to return 25 cents in a mere decade you'll immediately receive my EXCLUSIVE NFT trading cards — known the world round by NFT_Pusher679Moscow.ru as the NFTs that "keep it real."

Included is a mystery pack of fan favorites that could — but are not guaranteed to — include "Mowing With Headphones," "Sucking Leaves With Headphones (Carhartt Jacket Edition)," and "Ear Hair Trimming in Foggy Mirror”.

One of every 1-100,00 might also receive the ever-popular "Confused COVID Hair."

This COVID classic features proprietary tech that allows the user to make the NFT his/her wallpaper, allowing them to literally feel like the goofy — maybe stoned — eyes will follow them around the room wherever they go.

Fun!

Speaking of hair, ACT NOW and there's also the chance to get the "Golden Ticket" opportunity to receive the most-coveted "Tears For Fears Guy With Unnamed Kid Named After A Periodic Element" NFT from the super-exclusive "throwback" series.

It’s now AI re-imagined and with more clarity than ever!

Musk_Data_Dump.ru calls it “Next duck tape banana art from investor” and calls a single sheet, low-weight paper print out of the original to be “mad money and billions from investor”.

There's no doubt that these — what CryptoTimes.putin called "everyday, real" — NFTs will only continue to increase in value, much like gold, silver, platinum, and the rare Earth materials driving global conflicts.

Many people have said that the [TBD Name] bitcoin ROI is simply a means to get your digital "hands" on these stunning NFTs which are sure to be a totally secure and safe investment that absolutely NO ONE will ever regret.

FREE subscribe and act now!